Impulse like a pro, Bonus: you are playing MTG too much if..
Impulse like a pro, Bonus: you are playing MTG too much if..
Четверг, 26-oe Июня 2003, 16:28
South Park resident
Kai Budde Impulse: Look at the top 4 cards, take the best one, win the tournament.
Dave Humpherys Impulse: Look at the top 4 cards (We'll get back to you with what he does later, once we know). . .
Kamiel Cornelissen Impulse: Waiting patiently for Humpherys' Impulse to resolve.
Ryan Fuller Impulse: Banned, can't Impulse. JOY!
Ed Fear Impulse: Look at top 4 sideboard cards, take 1, lose game and argument.
Farid Meraghni Impulse: Impulse 4,800 times in a year.
Kurt Burgner Impulse: There is no Impulse in Everquest.
Scott Johns Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Take the wrong card. Write article about how "We all suck" afterward.
Ben Rubin Impulse: Look at top 4 cards, ask Superman shirt what it thinks, wait patiently for response.
Brian Kibler Impulse: Look at top 4 cards, take the Dragon. Enter the Red Zone. Roar!
Adrian Sullivan Impulse: Look at top 4 cards, take the one no one plays with, complain after the tournament how unlucky he was and that his testing showed he should have won every matchup he had.
Mike Bregoli Impulse: "Remind me, what does Impulse do?"
Tommi Walamies Impulse: Look at top 4 cards, take the Elephant, die to a topdecked Morphling.
Eric Taylor Impulse: Mmph (He'll get back to us after he finishes his hat.)
Dominick Hothow Impulse: There is no Impulse in Everquest.
Mike Pustilnik Impulse: Look at 2 Red cards and 2 Green cards. Take one that he can't currently cast. Topdeck needed land next turn and win.
Ben Ronaldson Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Take the one that 1000 games of playtesting has shown works.
Alan Comer Impulse: Cast Sleight of Hand. Take the Opt.
Dave Price Impulse: No such thing. Impulse doesn't beat down.
Sean "Hammer" Regnier Impulse: There STILL is no Impulse in Everquest.
Tyoshi Fujita Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Dance around.
Matt Vienneau Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Ask female barkeep what she thinks. Get drink poured in his face.
Gary Krakower Impulse: I dunno, but he's really creepy.
Anthony Alongi Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Take the coolest creature. Write an article about it.
"Ferret" Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Let balls thaw out after long trip to Alaska. Take a card and ask self if Cleveland really is better than Alaska.
Toby Wachter Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Take 1 and try and remember which huge pile of cards is the bottom of his library.
Sean McKeown Impulse: "Well to Impulse effectively you have to first have a understanding of the metagame. My first article on this will go up at Neutral Ground. Look for the second to appear on Brainburst sometime next week."
Andy Stokinger Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Rag on Mouth for a while. Take a card and rag on some scrub playing nearby. Put the other 3 cards on the bottom of his library. Write down a funny quote from Pikula. Have it look completely unfunny on the website.
Kurt "Fatman" Hahn Impulse: Cast Impulse. Decide that "Impulse is BROKEN." Ban it in 5 color.
Brian Kowal Impulse: Forget to pay mana for it. Get DQ'ed by Colin Jackson. Have John Shuler write a hilarious article about it.
Sol Malka Impulse: Look at Triple H, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and… oh, that's what he does in his spare time. I don't know how The People's Champ Impulses.
Theron Martin Impulse: I dunno, but who cheats on ratings and doesn't get to the pro tour? Sad really.
Justin Gary Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Take the best one. Get 9th.
Mike Flores Impulse: MISE TAKE THE INFINITELY TIGHT… coming dear.
Brooke North Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Squint. Decide this really would be easier sober.
Eric Kesselman Impulse: Look at the top 4 cards. Take 1. Gimp and cost his team $60 bucks.
Tim McKenna Impulse: Watch Erik Kesselman Impulse. Cringe. Lose $20 because of it.
Chris Pikula Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Let wife choose which one to take. Realize that his life has forever changed.
Rune Horvik Impulse: Watch a little kid cast Impulse. Watch little kid then shuffle his library. Shake his head and wonder again why he judges.
The Ben Seck Impulse: Loan Impulses to all the Invitational players. Get mad props in the reports.
Mark Rosewater Impulse: Look at the top 4 cards in library. Change the casting costs on all of them. Start new game.
Evil Donald Lim Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Take Replenish. Put the other 3 on the bottom of his library while chuckling cruelly. Cast Replenish for the win. Make a little girl cry. Laugh about it afterwards.
Sam Ward Impulse: Look at top 4 Japanese players, bitch at how they have a major money event while the Aussies get jacked.
Gary Wise Impulse: We'd love to tell you but the webmaster made us take it down.
Tommi Hovi Impulse: Look at the backs of the top 4 cards. Pick 1.
Olle Rade Impulse: Look at the back of the top card, realize he doesn't need to Impulse to win.
Chris Benafel Impulse: Look at the top 4 cards. Smirk. Turn to Ryan Fuller for advice. Realize he's banned and so is your team. Get drunk and trash your hotel room.
Tony Dobson Impulse: Impulse on his turn, untap, draw a card, and get booted out of the masters. Oops! How embarrassing.
Donnie Gallitz: Watch your opponent cast Impulse. Give him ten dollars for it and burn it.
Alex Shvartsman Impulse: Look at the top 4 cards. Post an article on the SB listing them and asking everyone what card he should take.
Dan Bock Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Realize they are all lands. Scoop and go out trading.
Bob Maher Impulse: Look at top 4 cards, take one, have friends misrepresent your actual choice, turn them in and get 6 months from the DCI.
David Williams Impulse: Look at top 4 cards, take one, bend the rest, and cut to them later.
Casey McCarrel Impulse: look at top 4 cards, take 1, place the other 3 on top of the opponents deck.
Trevor Blackwell Impulse: Ask judge what Impulse does. Look at the top 4 cards. Go to the bathroom. Don't come back for day 2.
PTR Impulse: Rag on Gary Wise. Look at the top 4 cards. Rag on random scrub. Keep looking at the top 4 cards. Rag on opponent. Take a card. Rag on the crappy cards his opponent has out. Put the rest on the bottom of the library. Rag on the opponents poor play skills. Rag on Gary Wise some more.
Jon Finkel Impulse: Wonder why no one casts Impulse anymore.
Zvi Mowshowitz Impulse: Cast Impulse. Have Seth Burn make him cut his nails. Look at top 4 cards in library. Have Wizards drag him into the bathroom for a shave and haircut. Take a card.
Ruel Brothers: Cast Impulse. Feed the top 4 cards to a huge teddy bear they just bought.
Kevin Chi Ho Tse Impulse: Win 140+ matches against the same 9 guys. Wonder why no one is mailing him invitations to the pro tour.
Kamiel Cornelissen Impulse: Still waiting patiently for Humpherys Impulse to resolve.
Tom Van De Logt Impulse: I don't know but man is he tall.
Randy Buehler Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Realize that he still has the skills to make it on the pro tour. Go. Home. Suggest idea of quitting job to wife. Dodge frying pan. Go back to work and write condescending article for www.replacingthesideboard.com.
Darwin Kastle Impulse: Look at top 4 cards. Take Rewind.
Jay Schneider Impulse: Look at top 4 decks. Build a deck that beats them all in inbred testing. Post deck online. Give deck a horribly long name. Give credit to the ever reclusive Paul Sligh. Wonder why no one ever plays with his decks.
Jon Becker Impulse: Look at top 4 drafting partners. Bitch about how easy it is to find a good draft in NY and how hard it is to find a good draft in Philly.
Andrew Johnson Impulse: Look at the top 4 cards. Take the morally appropriate one. Wonder why Jon Shuler makes fun of him.
John Shuler Impulse: Look at the top 4 cards. Pick the one that will annoy his opponent the most. Concede with a lethal damage attack on the stack to screw Matt Vienneau's tiebreakers.
* David Mills Impulse
Cast an Impulse without tapping two mana for it.
* Al Tran Impulse
Cast Impulse. Look at Demonic Consultation, Kaervek's Spite and
two random cards. Take the Consultation and Consult for a Spite
screaming "Spring forth, burly protector!"
* Terry Borer Impulse
Whenever you wish to cast an Impulse during your own turn, ask an
opponent if he has any fast effects.
* Mark Justice Impulse
Cast Impulse. Take a Dark Ritual even though you have no swamps left
in play or in the deck.
* Alex Shvartsman Impulse
Cast Impulse. Get a Steel Golem. Write a tournament report only if
you lose in the finals. Complain about manascrew.
* Jamie Wakefield Impulse
Cast Impulse. Take the largest, fattest creature. Write a tourament
report if you go 3-2.
* Mike Long Impulse
Look at the four cards. Keep all four cards.
* Jason Gordon Impulse
Keep all four cards *and* keep the Impulse.
* Jon Finkel Impulse
Look at the four cards and keep any card that is not green. If all
cards are green, put all four on the bottom of your library.
* David Bachmann Impulse
Look at the four cards. If you dislike them get mad, pull a chair from
under Jon Finkel and throw it at Tony Parodi.
* Zvi Moshowitz Impulse
Pitch the Impulse to Dream Halls to cast Ancestral Memories.
* Brian Weissman Impulse
Cast Impulse. Take Ghazban Ogre.
* Nate Clarke Impulse
Cast Impulse. Put all four cards on the bottom of your library. Claim
that your opponent drew an extra card.
* Mike Long Impulse #2
Play a land. Take off your jacket. Ask the judge how much time is left
in the round. Look at your hand. Look at your other hand. Cast Impulse.
Examine the cards. Scratch yourself. Look at opponent's graveyard. Put
your jacket back on. Examine your graveyard. Choose a card from an
Impulse. Ask the judge whether you played a land this turn. Play a land.
* Bill Macey Impulse
Let your opponent Impulse if he wants to, while beating him down with
2 Rogue Elephants and an Elf.
* Thomas Guevin Impulse
While casting an Impulse be rude and unsportsmanlike to your opponent.
Be sure to avoid shaking his hand when you lose.
* Bob Wagner Impulse
Spend no less than 10 minutes casting an Impulse.
* Brian Hacker Impulse
Cast Impulse. Choose a card that most closely resembles current color
of your hair.
You know you've played too much Magic when...
...you think that Giant Spiders make webpages. (cbc)
...you refer to a baby tree as a Saproling.*
...you dream of Hanna posing for Playboy. (cbc)
...you wonder what Jeska's phone number is. #
...you are at the world's longest red light and are wishing for a Lifelace.*
...you order a Chef's Thallid instead of a Chef's Salad.*
...you refuse to eat with anything except a Fork. (cbc)
...in Science class, you are asked what to name the skull and you say "Necropotence." (cbc)
...in chat rooms you use the name Kamahl. (cbc)
...on Spring Break, you don't unpack because you are too busy playing Magic. #
...while reading "The Hobbit," all you can think of is how cool Smaug would be on a Magic card.*
...you name your twin sons Urza and Mishra. #
...you tap chess pieces. (cbc)
...you name each and every single common Goblin you have. (cbc)
...you are in a fight, scream "Shock!" and are surprised that nothing happens. #
...a friend asks to borrow money from you and you say, "Sorry; I'm tapped out."#
...any time you finish a chore, you knock on a table and say "Done." #
...you refer to the judge as a "Hand of Justice." #
...you wonder if Santa has ever used Arcum's Sleigh.*
...you have a girlfriend called Akroma. (cbc)
...you tap your girlfriend to activate her "special abilities." #
...and you realize that doing #22 has no mana cost, but definitely requires sacrifices. (cbc)
...you call a full moon a "Bad Moon."*
...you tap aces, kings, queens, and jacks. (cbc)
...you are in a fight and wonder how come your Circle of Protections are not protecting you. (cbc)
...you can no longer afford your crack habit. (cbc)
...the name of your God is Rosewater. (cbc)
...you wonder why George W. Bush doesn't just play Armageddon on the Middle East. (cbc)
...you have a fever and are wondering if you are suffering from mana burn. #
...someone tells you to get a life and you wonder if you have to pay a generic mana. #
...Black Lotuses grow in your garden. (cbc)
...you go to communion just to get Blessed Wine. (cbc)
...someone is attacking you and you shout "Wing Shards!" (cbc)
...you try to feed your little brother to the Lord of the Pit.*
...you don't eat eggs for breakfast because you fear they may be Rukh Eggs. #
...you clean your room by casting Hurkyl's Recall. #
...you mow your lawn to keep Thallids away. #
...your grandfather looks like Gaea's Liege. #
...you build birdhouses for Aven Liberators. #
...you know a guy named Gerrard. #
...you send e-mails to Oscar Tan, telling him how cool he is, hoping he sends you a Black Lotus. #
...you paste a Tic-Tac to your "Stench of Evil." (cbc)
...you think bounced checks are Counterspelled. (cbc)
...your girlfriend says her jewelry was stolen, and you think how you didn't know she had Moxes. (cbc)
...you make theme decks based on movies. #
...your girlfriend calls you to bed for intimate relations, but you are too busy building a deck to do so. (cbc)
...you use a calculator to decide how many lands to put in your deck. #
...you confuse moles with Goblin Digging Teams. (cbc)
...you attend a prerelease during your Disney World vacation. (I've actually done this.) (cbc)
...after an important win, you've kissed your deck. (See above.) (cbc)
...you are glad Wizards has stopped hurting the Black Vise doll. #
...you talk to your decks. (cbc)
...instead of umbrellas, you carry Blue Wards. (cbc)
...you don't own a car just so you can afford more cards. (cbc)
...you go to the game store every day to make sure a new expansion hasn't been released. #
...you classify cards by their artist. #
...you've tried to Magical Hack Forrest Gump to Plains Gump. *
...you refer to your girlfriend as your Serra Angel.*
...you think your mother is the Mother of Runes. (cbc)
...you carry a Circle of Protection: Red while skiing in case you meet the Goblin Ski Patrol. #
...you have found tourney-worthy uses for more than ten Homelands cards. (cbc)
...or five, for that matter. (cbc)
...you cast Unsummon on your alarm clock. (Not Smash or Pulverize? - The Ferrett) (cbc)
...the DCI uses your deck as the new Restricted/Banned List. #
...you dressed up as Urza for Halloween. (cbc)
...you think FDR must have known about Severed Legion when he said, "We have nothing to fear..."(cbc)
...you tried using Arcum's Weathervane during a heat wave. (cbc)
...you actually know what Arcum's Weathervane does without looking. (cbc)
...a friend hurts himself, says "erg," and you shout "Raiders!"#
...someone says "tapwater" and you reach for a Circle of Protection: Blue. #
...you wonder what kind of mana you'd get if you tapped your house. #
...you summoned a date for Saturday. #
...the "Ice Age" comes up in class, and you wonder how come he doesn't mention jesters and their caps and masks. (cbc)
...you also insist that The Dark ages came before the Ice Age. #
...you refer to your friends as a "band." #
...people refer to you as "Beatdown" when you pass by. #
...you sign important documents as "The Ferrett" and people actually know who you are . (Does that count for me? - The Ferrett, who does) #
...game stores revere you and give you discounts. #
...you scoff when people say David Copperfield can do magic. #
...you propose to your girlfriend using an Aladdin's Ring. #
...you fund an expedition to find the Library of Alexandria. (cbc)
...you traveled to Iraq to see the Bazaar of Baghdad. (cbc)
...Ponce de Leon should have come to you to find Fountains of Youth. (cbc)
...you play Poker using Magic cards. (cbc)
...you take up tapdancing to perfect your Magic skills. #
...you play "Secret of Mana," and wonder why you see no white, blue, black, red, or green mana. #
...you realize you relate to too many numbers on this list. #
...people refer to you as the lonely kid with those weird cards. #
...Yu-Gi-Oh players call you a geek. (cbc)
...you are afraid your Rabid Wombat will infect your other cards. #
...Kai Budde asks you for deck advice. (cbc)
...you think Satan has two names that start with "B": Beelzebub and Buehler. (cbc)
...you mother says she had a Nightmare, and you offer to buy it. #
...you ask the Demonic Tutor to do your homework. (cbc)
...you buy your mother a Mox Pearl necklace for Mother's Day. #
...you go to AAA, asking for Dominia tourbooks. (cbc)
...your tournament deck costs more than your house or apartment.*
...your friend's hamster dies, and you try using Exhume. #
...you use Braingeyser on your opponent while playing Uno. #
...you refer to your ex-girlfriend as the "Infernal Spawn of Evil." (Guilty!) (cbc)
...your friends tell you to go see a Shrink and you say you already have one in a deck.*
...you throw a Chaos Orb at people, yelling "Die!"*
...your favorite relative is Uncle Istvan.*
...you use Memory Lapse in order to get your professor to forget about giving mid-terms. #
...you have understood every card reference so far. (cbc)
...the name Garfield does not remind you of a cat. #
...your cards are worth more than your annual salary. #
...you see Starbucks advertising "Cappuccino Blast," and you can not help thinking, "counters one Cappuccino as it's being cast." #
...you give your girlfriend a Mox for her birthday. #
...you consider Kai Budde to be the culmination of the attempt to create a German superman. (cbc)
...you consider Johnny Cochrane to be the "Demonic Attorney." (cbc)
...you drink Coors just to tap the Rockies.*
...you think Shakespeare borrowed quotes from Magic cards. (cbc)
...you can spend $160 on a Mox without wincing. #
...at 5:25 a.m., you are at your friend's house discussing which colors your Legends cards are. #
...you took statistics class just to answer Millstone questions. (cbc)
...you play seventy-five test games just to decide whether or not to add that extra forest. #
...you are on your third set of dual lands, having worn out your first two. *
...you and friends know each other's decks so well, you don't even need the decks to play against each other.*
...Wizards blames you when an expansion is late.*
...the world economy collapses when you forgot to go to the card store one day.*
...you run for President with the slogan, "Mirage block will become legal once again in Extended." (cbc)
...you actually think 8th Edition card faces look good. (cbc)
...you tell your game store owner that you are quitting Magic and he commits suicide. #
...you refer to females as "common," "uncommon," and "rare." #
...your mother asks you to buy Aluminum Foil and you wonder if Aluminum is a new card from Mirrodin. (cbc)
...you won't touch your iguana because he looks too much like a Thicket Basilisk. #
...you think the Colossus of Sardinia was one of the Seven Wonders.*
...you searched the Amazon for the Stream of Life. (cbc)
...you celebrate buying your 1,000,000th Magic card. #
...you wonder how much red mana you'd get tapping Mount Everest.*
...the IRS requires you to note the money you made selling your cards as taxable income. #
...your first twenty favorites on your web browser are all Magic web pages. #
...you fight your friends over which color is better by using brass knuckles. #
...you are restricted from going to the An-Havva Inn.*
...Jon Finkel refuses to play you because your deck is unfair. #
...you read a book entitled "Advanced Magic Tricks" and wonder what moron wrote it. #
...you memorize a nickname for every Magic card.*
...you put an Atog where your photo belongs on a driver's license, and tell the policeman that you had a bad day that day. #
...you suffer from "card burn" - reddish blisters on thumb and forefinger on right hand. #
...you pray in the direction of Renton, WA, five times a day. (cbc)
...heck, you can find Renton on a map. (cbc)
...you even made a pilgrimage to Renton just to see the building. (cbc)
...you think the only true Mighty Morphin Power Ranger is the Birchlore Ranger. (cbc)
...Lloyds of London has insured your collection. (cbc)
...you sell your own blood to buy Magic cards, and this is a weekly occurrence. (cbc)
...you've been banned from a Magic store you've never even set foot in, as they fear you there. (cbc)
...you are so desperate for a Millstone that you actually go to a mill to steal one.#
...you take your Ghost Hounds out for a walk every night.*
...you are afraid to go into a Desert without your Camel card.*
...you wonder how come you did not see any Nightmares at Churchill Downs. (cbc)
...you take a Paris Mulligan...In golf. (Toku)
...you hand out game losses to your subordinates at work. (Toku)
...you Disenchant your friend's awesome computer out of jealousy. (Toku)
...you've just won three Pro Tours and you are only thirteen. (dar482/cbc)
...your kids' first word is "cut?" (dar482)
...all your kids' names are Richard and they are all math professors. (spike)
...A guy runs a stoplight in front of you, and you scream "HE CAN'T DO THAT! I HAD PRIORITY!" (TensorKid)
...you draw sevencards playing poker. (Nalka)
...you pick your girl based on how much she does or doesn't look like Exalted Angel. (Nalka)
...you ¨topdeck¨ three bars in a slot machine. (Nalka)
...when asked why you are late, you refer to "loss of tempo." (Nalka)
...your main excuse for not having done your homework is "manascrew." (Nalka)
...someone asks what man's best friend is, and you reply "Wild Mongrel." (IOUANAME666/cbc)
...you think that you can Astral Slide your problems away. (IOUANAME666)
...your friend flops over a 3, 4, and 5 while having pocket 2 and 6 during a game of Hold'em and you say, "nice topdeck." (William Spaniel)
...Mike Guptil chauffeurs you to PTQs and Grand Prix. (cbc)
...you think Pete Rose should not be in the Hall of Fame, but Bill Rose should be. (cbc)
...you arrange a sit-in at the Wizards GenCon booth demanding Magic d20. (cbc)
...after waiting on hold for five minutes, you complain to the consumer rep's manager that he was stalling. (Tybuc)
...you order a martini in an Urza's Chalice. (Tybuc)
...you prefer emeralds and sapphires to diamonds because diamonds come into play tapped. (Tybuc)
...you flub the beginning of a speech and ask the crowd if you can take a mulligan. (Tybuc)
...you tell your friends your girlfriend finally "Sinkholed" your "Urza's Tower." (Tybuc)
...you hear a rustle in the bushes and say, "Damn 1/1 green squirrel tokens!" (Rhon)
...you attempt to cycle cards in games like cribbage and poker when dealt a hand of "jank." (virtual xi)
...you take the longer, less busy route during rush hour and tell your passenger it was a metagame choice. (RochesterNYScrub)
...when stuff like "mise the savage three-way beats" or "no pulp orange juice is tech" regularly escapes your lips. (Toku)
...after a long series of interviews for an exclusive position, you mistakenly figure you can ID into the job. (TensorKid)
...you ask for a mulligan in poker. (Dawnrider26)
...you ask a pet store owner if his birds can tap for any color mana. (Dawnrider26)
...you refer to your toaster as a 2cc artifact with the ability "Tap: Add two Toast counters to your hunger pool". (Dawnrider26)
...your mom asks you to mow the lawn and you tell her that you have Protection from Green. (Dawnrider26)
...you think you can be lazy because if anything happens, you can respond. (IOUANAME666)
...you think of Magic when you're making out with a chick. (CrazyIrishman)
...a girl runs her hand along your stomach, and you describe it to your friend as Phage's touch sending Tendrils of Corruption up your torso. (CrazyIrishman)
...the words "Shock the monkey" means more than one thing. (Frappie)
...you understand banding. (Frappie)
...your resume has a list of the tourneys you have won. (Frappie)
...you think the best Australian Magic player is Tomi Wallabies. (cbc)
...card art gets you horny. (Toku)
...you try casting Dark Banishing on your relatives during a reunion. (Megrimatically_Correct/cbc)
...You wish you had a Circle of Protection: Stupid, so you could deal with people at work. (endgame)
...when shopping for a house you ask the realtor what kind of mana the yard can produce and whether the lawn counts as basic land. (Vrox)
...you make jokes about playing too much Magic. *
Среда, 9-oe Июля 2003, 19:59
я не достаточно умён для этого.Но это наверно круто.(Странно почему больше нет ответов)
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